Life.

GUYS! I missed posting last week. I know. I suck. Sorry.

Anyways, here’s an update on me!

  • Transferring schools. Done with my associates this spring. Finally!
  • Leaving for Europe in a little over a week.
  • I know I said no dating for a year.. WELL. I messed up. Lol.. Wait for it.. Started dating 3 guys. All 3.. amazing. I ended it with all 3 of them because things needed a label too quickly and I wasn’t ready.. So now I’m ACTUALLY giving this no dating thing a shot. Whoops.
  • I’m getting hair extensions! I’m so excited for this. I really needed to do something different with my look. I’m getting booooooored and I’ve almost dyed my hair brown about 7 dozen times this week. Okay.
  • I literally suck and have not been getting to the gym AT ALL lately and my eating has been actual CRAP. I’m giving myself a free pass because of the holidays & I haven’t gained any weight or body fat (*crying emoji* *praise emoji*).  BUT when I’m back from Europe mark my words.. PERFECT macros everyday and gym 6 times a week. Gonna kick this thing in high gear!
  • 2017 is gonna be MY YEAR you guys. I can feel it in my bones. I am SO excited.

LIFE IS SO GOOD. Okay. So that’s enough about me.

Has anyone been paying attention to the U of M football team thing? The whole thing makes me cry and laugh. How can college boys be so dumb? also, society goes to blame the victim yet again.. shocker. This makes me sad. I know the truth will come out and that those awful men will get what they deserve! The universe has a way of working things out. I hope this case paves a way for anti-victim blaming amongst college campuses.. rant over.

I hope you all are having an amazing holiday season! I know I am!

Until next time,

Kate

Think vs. Feel

Hey guys.

Have you ever had a friend that always seemed to have men chasing her? And not chasing sex with her.. chasing her. I’m here to tell you her secret.

Thinking vs Feeling.

Women happen to be very fixated upon their own emotions. Men.. not so much. Remember your last breakup when you stayed in bed crying for three days, while your ex-boyfriend went to work and went out with his friends like nothing was wrong? That is the thinking vs. feeling principle.

The time you blurted out “I love you” at three in the morning to the guy you had been seeing because everything was going so well and he broke it off the next day? Let’s remember the friend I talked about earlier in this post. That friend waited for him to say it with desperation in his eyes and voice before she even considered letting herself feel that way.

Do not be ruled by your emotions.

When you aren’t ruled by emotions, instead, thinking logical and rational thoughts, you are positioning yourself to have control over your current situation. This doesn’t only relate to relationships. I dare you to apply this principal to your career and see what happens.

Be intentional with the way you act. Act in accordance with what your logic tells you to. If you are constantly showing less emotion than your partner, you are creating the chase. The chase is what makes things exciting at first. If I can tell you to be anything, be chased and ungettable. There’s something amazing about being unattainable, is there not? Take my advice, next time you go out with someone, think about this post.

See what happens.

Until next week,

Kate.

Confusion.

Hey guys. I feel like this blog has been more of a diary than usual, I apologize for that. Normal posts will be back next week, life has been incredibly overwhelming lately.

I see people that haven’t been burned before. They’re warm, happy, and smiling. Then there’s me, calculated, collected and cold to the touch. I’ve been burned before. It makes an ice run through my veins in a way it never has to someone who hasn’t been scathed by life itself.

Abandonment, fear, rejection.

One day, when I was a child after my stepfather left my mother and I, I promised myself I would never feel those feelings again. I didn’t, for a long time. I made a mistake and opened up to someone, and I felt those things again. It made the ice return to my body with a vengeance. I felt the electric shock of the fire through my body and the ice in my veins coming back to me like an old friend.

Now I’ve turned into the thing I hated the most. I’m doing to everyone else what he did to me. I don’t want to make people feel small, or shut out, or rejected, but I can’t help it. I’m cold to the touch, and how do you explain that to someone who has never had that fire run through their body, which soon turns to ice? How do you explain that you aren’t capable of feeling those warm and fuzzy things like they do? How do you tell them that all they’re ever going to feel from you is an icy rejection? I ache for touch, but flinch whenever someone gets close enough.

It hurts.

I want to be warm like the sun, like they are. Instead, I’m cold like a child is after playing in the snow on a cold day in December. My cheeks are appealingly rosy, but don’t be fooled, it’s just from the cold.

Setting Goals.

Hey guys!

I hope my readers had a wonderful Thanksgiving – or at least avoided talking about politics with distant relatives!

Now that Thanksgiving is over, the Christmas season is upon us! I have made it a habit to set goals for the following year the day after Thanksgiving because the Christmas season is so hectic. The New Year will be here before we know it! I will be spending my New Years in London & Paris, so I know I will not be setting goals unless I sit down and do it today.

I have some crazy goals for the 2017, I hope you all do too! Set goals & achieve them.

My 2017 Goals:  

  • Graduate from college Summa Cum Laude with a 4.0. (Bachelors of Science in Business with a Marketing Emphasis)
  • Compete in a show – bikini novice.
  • Get down to 15% body fat
  • Buy a house
  • Get my company out of the “pre-revenue” phase.
  • Make amends with anyone I’ve burned a bridge with
  • Mentor 3 teenage girls
  • Get more involved at church
  • Do more volunteering
  • Get an internship, or an entry-level position in a field I’d like a career in
  • This is a dumb one, but grow my hair longer. It has been short for so long, lol.
  • Travel to Europe twice

What are some of your goals? Email me about them! I’d love to chat with you!

Until next time,

Kate

Change.

Hey guys.

This last month or so has brought a lot of change to my life. I wanted to talk about it on here, because I know a lot of you may be dealing with the same thing!

Change #1: I moved!

Moving is really difficult, especially if you’re doing it for the first time, like me. I live alone, which is difficult if you’re very extroverted. I’m managing, though. Lots of friends & the guy I’m seeing come over a lot. It’s still a very weird feeling, though. If you’re dealing with this, my first advice would be: get a pet! However, if you’re like me, and live in a pet free building: go out, a lot. Overall, I’m happy with the change.

Change #2: New relationship

New relationships are difficult to navigate. I’m constantly reminding myself that I need to be emotionally capable of holding a relationship. Slowly but surely.. getting there. He’s great, and that’s all I’m gonna say for now!

Change #3: Starting a business

I can’t talk much about this, legally. I’m starting my own company. I am so so excited to get things in the works so I can share it with you all! I am so grateful for opportunities that I’ve been given to follow my dreams. I’m working my butt off, every day. I’m barely home now because of all the traveling I’m doing for this project. I’m so excited to keep putting in the work & to watch it grow!

Change #4: Training for an NPC comp

This one has definitely been on my mind for a while. So, I’m doing it! It adds to the business of my life but I am so pumped (literally). Still looking into coaches but I think I have a good idea of who I want! Cutting for the next 3 months… I’ll give an update on this as it comes. I’m so looking forward to pushing my body to its limit and being as physically fit as I can be!

So these were my major changes over the last month or so. Crazy stuff in the works in my life right now. I am so grateful for everyone by my side right now! Life has been a dream lately.

Thanks for reading about my crazy life- and I’ll be back with a “normal” post next week!

Your Questions Answered: Why Doesn’t He Call?

How many times have you asked this to yourself?

My guess is.. probably a decent amount of times. I’m here to tell you something. Stop it.

Whatever text you have typed on your phone right now.. delete it & hear me out. Please. 5 minutes?

Let’s say you went through a bad breakup and you’re sad about it. Naturally, most women have the urge to text or call (unless you’re like me & you’re on the opposite end of this spectrum & never want to talk to them again, which I’ll write about someday). You have a text typed up, or you have his contact pulled up on your phone. You’re ready to hit “call” or “send”. How many times have you done this & regretted it?

There’s a term for this. It’s called emotional self-sabotage. Every time you reach out to touch the same flame that burned you, it reminds me of a child touching & burning themselves on the oven, even though everyone tells them not to touch it.

Your ex, or whoever you’re emotionally hung up on, is the hot oven, and you are the naive child. Please, please, stop being the naive child.

Here is a life lesson about people: people do what they want to. As women, we often look for excuses as to why our love interest is behaving in a certain manner.

Here are some examples:

“He isn’t calling because he’s scared I won’t answer.”

“He isn’t texting because I hurt his ego.”

“He bailed on me because he’s scared to get hurt.”

THIS IS NOT TRUE. PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT. Especially men. Repeat after me: “if he wanted to call, he would!”

Men are not complicated creatures that overthink everything like women do. Our brain chemistry is different. If he’s out at the bar with friends on Snapchat, having fun, he is having fun! He is not trying to make your blood boil, 99% of the time, he may not even be giving his ex a second thought.

This is a lesson that I learned from men, and has greatly benefitted my dating life: live in the moment and do not overthink. If something doesn’t workout, put on your big girl pants, stop subtweeting them, go to the gym & go out with friends. You’ll feel 100x better than if you stayed on the couch crying. Fake it till you make it. Eventually, he may even realize what he missed out on seeing you have so much fun, all on your own (but this should never be the objective of going out & having fun!)

So seriously, follow your ex-boyfriend’s lead and put your phone down, for the love of God!

Why “Maybe” Has Been Eliminated From My Vocabulary

People do not use passionate feeling words often.

Personally, I do not remember the last time I said “yes, absolutely, 100x yes!” That honestly makes me sad, because I feel it is so important to live passionately with everything that you have. Make your intentions clear and say what you want, and do not apologize for it. This applies to work, dating, family, etc.

Words I wish to use more in my daily life:

  • Definitely
  • Absolutely
  • Of course!
  • Nope!
  • Definitely not.

These are all words that give the person on the other end of the conversation a direct answer, and in turn, leaves no one hanging. Eliminating “maybe” from my daily speech (especially at work), has changed my entire life. Living passionately, even in your speech, will have a direct impact on your relationships and may even trigger a promotion (you are more likely to be promoted if you are sure of what you want and exude confidence) or even other benefits in your personal life. I’ve seen my personal relationships with guys I’ve dated or with my family improve 100x over when I put the word “maybe” to death. I can not think of a practical & necessary use for the word “maybe”, “sure”, or “whatever”. Do not be indifferent. You’ll thank yourself for it.

 

 

The Best Autumn Playlist

Sparks – Coldplay

Cherry Wine – Hozier autumn-picnic-masthead-vsco_72dpi

re:stacks – Bon Iver

She Treats Me Well – Ben Howard

Wasn’t Expecting That – Jamie Lawson

Celeste – Ezra Vine

Spirits – The Strumbellas

Colour Me In – Damien Rice

I Will Be Blessed – Ben Howard

Someone New – Hozier

Work Song – Hozier

Stealing Cars – James Bay

Georgia – Vance Joy

My Thoughts on Dating as a Millennial

Okay, so maybe all of my single friends are on tinder. So what? Maybe I am too. Sue me.

Here’s the deal people: there is a so-called dating crisis. I don’t agree. I see happy couples every day. I don’t think there’s a crisis, I think people are more dedicated to their careers than ever before, and people are careful to get married because they saw how hard it was when their parents divorced as a kid. Call millennials careless, and selfish, and tell us we’re promoting a hookup culture, please, we’d all love to hear it again.

I am a female and have little to no desire to get married. I have end goals that revolve around my career and personal health. I do not think its fair to call a woman selfish because of her lack of desire to have kids or marry. If you see a man who is a powerful executive and doing well for himself, he gets “good on him”. Now in the millennial generation, more women are focusing on other things and are being called selfish. This is the real crisis. It does not make me cold to want to  excel in my career before I’d ever think about marriage or a child. It makes me ambitious.

Half of today’s marriages end in divorce. It makes me smart as a woman to want to wait as long as I can before I get married. It makes no sense to me why someone would want to rush into signing a piece of paper. Maybe this is why there is a supposed “hook-up culture”. Women like me go on dates, and have fun, but my end goal is not marriage. I do not think it’s wrong to share in companionship as you progress in life! There is NOTHING wrong with today’s dating culture as long as both parties are content in the relationship. At least we’re not rushing into marriage, only to have years of commitment end in divorce.

My advice to women, speaking from a woman’s perspective:

BE TRANSPARENT. Let your S.O. know exactly what you’re looking for before things progress. If you want a hook-up with no emotions involved, tell them. If you want a serious relationship, tell them. If you’re honest from the beginning, and not just expecting things to magically evolve without communication, things will be easier on both of you. Next rule: don’t text or call for three days, if he doesn’t call you, he’s not interested. Also, stop looking for secret motives. Just because he liked your Instagram doesn’t mean he loves you, it probably means he thinks you’re sexy. Sorry dude. There’s plenty more out there. Fall in love with yourself & being alone before you even think about a man.

My advice to men, speaking from a woman’s perspective:

BE TRANSPARENT. If you tell her exactly what you’re looking for, no one gets hurt, because you made your expectations clear. Also, if you’re looking to date, please for the love of GOD don’t take her to a movie. How do you get to know someone at a movie? It all around sucks. 100% of the time. Okay, rant over. Anyways, make your intentions known and take things very slowly and let them progress naturally. Side note: if you’re not into her, tell her. It might hurt, but it hurts less than being ghosted.

I think we’re all gonna be okay. There comes a time where we all decide (or decide not to) settle down. Right now, millennials are on track to be married older than any other generation. Honestly, this is probably a great thing for the divorce rate in the US.

So we can all calm down and keep right swiping.

– Katie Clarkson